


It's just how I always wanted things to be

by eroticcannibal



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: ALL TAGS AND WARNINGS SUBJECT TO CHANGE, Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Kidnapping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:47:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21663952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eroticcannibal/pseuds/eroticcannibal
Summary: Canon-divergent fic in which Spinel takes Steven to the garden to be her toy.
Relationships: Spinel/Steven Universe
Comments: 12
Kudos: 122





	1. Everything is going to be fine

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is for the lovely Vivian, thank you for your support!

Spinel's weapon cut straight through each of the Gems, leaving just the gems to thud to the ground. Steven looked on in horror as Spinel turned on him and slashed him repeatedly. 

Legs weak and hair dripping sweat into his eyes, Steven held his ground, looking Spinel dead in the eyes as he summoned his shield. Or he tried to. It flickered weakly in his hands before vanishing as his skin fizzled and crackled painfully. Spinel cackled, a dangerous edge to her voice. 

"Oh, what's wrong, Steven? Can't summon a puny shield?"

He screwed his eyes up tight, focussing everything on summoning the shield, but it fizzled out again, quicker than before. He lifted his shirt to check his gem, which still glowed, but faintly, so faintly, he could barely see it.

"Too bad." Spinel said flatly, her face suddenly only an inch from Steven's. She raised her weapon and clonked him firmly on the head, and he fell to the ground like a sack of potatoes. 

-—

Steven came to a while later, groggy but comfortable, just like every morning. He listened for the comforting sounds of morning, the voices of the gems and his dad busying around the house, the smell of breakfast cooking... but there was none of that. Steven sat up, and the movement immediately flooded his body with an aching pain that radiated from his head. He clutched at his head as every beat of his heart intensified the pain to a sharp burn. His hands felt wet, and as Steven brought them away from his head, he saw spots of blood on them. He tried looking past his hands, but everything was so blurry, everything was spinning. Trying to focus made his stomach jump and churn. 

He flopped back down, waiting for the worst of it to pass, just enough so that he could function just a little. It might have been minutes or hours; eventually, he was able to slowly get himself onto his knees, and after fighting the urge to vomit, on to his feet. He wobbled and gagged, and his head pounded unbearably. Still, he was confident he could keep himself upright if he was cautious. He opened his eyes to find his vision was beginning to improve, at the cost of a worsening headache. 

He looked around himself, trying to place where he was. The architecture, bold angular lines, and materials that looked like they may once have sparkled, was familiar enough in its style for him to know that gems would have built this place. Still, it was not somewhere he otherwise recognized. The dusky pinks of the brittle, dead flowers that peeked from bushes and spilled from vines that climbed pillars were comforting in a way, it was a muted version of his favourite shade. There was something about this place that was comforting, familiar, that felt like home, even if he felt like his feet were going to drag him out of there at any moment. 

Steven thought briefly about calling out for help, surely the gems couldn't be far away... it was so instinctual to him to feel like he could rely on them, even when he knew it was them who needed help. He still felt like he could turn around, and they would be standing right there. But Steven was alone. Or, more likely, he was with Spinel. She had to be somewhere, and it seemed a bad idea to go around shouting and alerting her to the fact that he was here and awake just yet. He may not have known her long, but she had made it abundantly clear that she was unpredictable and dangerous. 

Speaking of Spinel, where is she, exactly? He wondered, casting his gaze around the space he had found himself in. He was confident it was her that had brought him here, it didn't seem like the kind of place for Lapis, Peridot and certainly not for Greg to bring him to, if they even knew about this place. They'd have taken him home, or at least somewhere they knew. Was Spinel still here, then? Had she abandoned him, leaving him out of the way while she carried out whatever her plan was? Or was she hiding? Watching? He looked over his shoulder instinctively as he shuffled forward, cautiously exploring the strange place. 

It looked old. So old, and the neglect didn't help. It had the look of somewhere that had been built with love, before being left to rot. He couldn't help but wonder what happened, why this place may have been forgotten. As he saw more of the pink flowers that stretched out across the whole area, he wondered a little less. 

He crept over vines and around pillars, finding vantage spots behind bushes as he searched deeper into what he had concluded must have been a garden when he heard something. He froze, listening to pinpoint the direction the noise was coming from. There was a flurry of activity somewhere ahead, someone was moving, and moving fast. He made to run but realised a moment later that the noise wasn't getting any closer. It seemed like whoever it was was doing something, not chasing him. He crept a little closer, moving from pillar to bush, keeping himself concealed as he moved close enough to see what was going on. 

It was Spinel. Her colours stood out, almost blindingly bright against the faded background of the garden as she moved comically quickly. She dashed about to fast that it was hard to make out what she was doing, her limbs were quite literally a blur. Steven watched while the area of the garden in front of him almost magically brightened and cleared of debris. Spinel tidied at lightning speed, dumping all the dropped foliage into a pile, much like how a teenager might tidy their room. 

"Oh my! Steven!" came a voice from behind him, so loud that he would have jumped clean out of his skin had it not been firmly attached. He spun around, coming face to face with Spinel, her neck stretched around wildly to reach him while her body still cleared leaves and twigs from the paths and dead lawns. Her face moved closer as he backed into the pillar. When he could go no further, she grinned widely. 

"I'm so glad you're awake! I thought I broke you for a moment there. I thought I'd leave you to rest while I tidy up a little, can't have you hurting yourself again now, can we? But you're awake now! We can play! Won't that be fun?"

"Ehe- yeah," said Steven, ruffling his hair awkwardly, "Sounds fun, but I uh- I gotta- the gems, you know, I should check on them." He tried to duck under Spinel's face and make a run for it, but the effects of being walloped caught up with him again, making his duck more of a dive, and he crashed face-first into the ground. He groaned, wiping the dirt and tiny stones from his face when a hand came from nowhere, grabbing him by his ankle and hoisting him into the air. 

"Steven, come on! That's not a game." Spinel said, pouting. "The gems are fiiiiiiine. I don't know why you worry about them so much when I'm right here! You don't need them to look after you anymore. So we are going to play now, ok?"

Steven tried so hard to focus on what she was saying so that he could formulate an argument to convince her, but it was too much. The blood rushing to his head did nothing to help the spinning and wooziness. 

"I don't feel so good..."

Spinel gasped, and all of a sudden, Steven found himself cradled gently like a baby in her arms; all of her attention focussed utterly on him. She fussed and cooed over him, planting little kisses on his cheeks, and he tried in vain to pull away from her affections. 

"Let me help. We can't have you feeling bad if we want to play now, can we?"

Steven's head lolled about, right side up felt better but still not great. 

"I just... I just need to... lie down..."

Spinel lay him down gently, straight onto the bare ground. Twigs and stones dug uncomfortably into Steven's back, but the cold of the earth did wonders for his nausea, and it did feel good to be out of her arms. His relief lasted only a second, however, as Spinel lay down beside him, wrapping her limbs all around him, so tight she might as well have tied him up. 

"You rest, Steven, then we'll play! I'm going to do everything to make you all better."

He wanted to argue, but the grogginess won out, and he fell into an uncomfortable sleep. 


	2. Surprises are fun!

  
Hours later, when he finally awoke, Steven kept his eyes closed a while, appreciating the comfort that the dark and quiet brought. What a horrible nightmare he's had. The Gems! It was awful what had happened to them, and then finding himself lost, Spinel his captor… he shivered and found to his surprise that he couldn't move much. Odd. Had Pearl tucked him in too tightly, despite his insistence that he was too old for that now? He slowly opened his eyes and yelped when he saw eyes staring into his, so close that they were almost touching. 

"Oh, I'm sooooorry," said Spinel in a sing-song voice, "Did I scare you?"

"Yeah, actually, you shouldn't do that!" Steven said, his tone roughened by his drowsiness. He wriggled furiously, trying to get out of the limbs that kept him helpless on the ground. Spinel's face twisted in fury and Steven gulped. 

"I'm just checking you are ok!" she huffed, "Do you expect me to just NOT care about you? My BEST friend? I'm being NICE, and you are being so ungrateful!" She was almost hysterical, and her grip on Steven tightened like a snake. Steven was utterly thrown by her sudden change in mood. 

"Best- No- I mean- I'm sorry, Spinel, you just… surprised me, that's all."

"But surprises are FUN, Steven!" she said, her voice a low growl, and Steven shrunk away, fearing what she might do if he angered her any further. She unwrapped herself from Steven and stomped away into the garden, her strides comically exaggerated. Steven tried to call out after her, but he was still so slow and weak, she was gone in a moment. Guilt ate at him, no matter how cruel she had been, he knew there was a reason for it, there had to be. The last thing he wanted to do was make things worse. He dragged himself to his feet, his legs still heavy with sleep, and made his way slowly in the direction Spinel had gone. 

Steven found himself wishing for a watch as he walked, he had no idea how long he'd been moving. He certainly hadn't got far, but at his pace, even a short distance took... he didn't know, half an hour? An hour? 

After a while, he found Spinel, clearly waiting for him. She stood with arms crossed, grinning proudly. He wondered what the catch was going to be, she'd seemed so angry before. Surely all wasn't forgiven so easily?

"Spinel, I-"

"You've gotta understand, Stevey-boy, surprises are fun! So I've proved it!"

"You have?"

She stood aside, gesturing behind her to a pile of junk.

"Look what I made for you, Steven! Isn't it such a nice surprise?" She smiled broadly, staring at Steven without blinking, waiting impatiently for his reaction.

He regarded the pile. It was like looking at a small child's drawing, the kind of thing that does make you feel proud even if you have no idea what it is meant to be.

"Wow."

"I know! Aren't I nice?"

"Uh, yeah. That's uh..."

"It's a house!"

"Right! It's a... house..."

Now she had said that he had to admit it did look sort of like a house. A house built by a group of rambunctious children made entirely of scrap that would probably collapse from a moderate gust of wind, to be specific. It did have crooked, mismatched walls and a gap for a door; it even looked big enough for the two of them. He couldn't quite tell from here, but he hoped it had a roof.

"Is that your house, Spinel?"

She frowned at him, then laughed, a horrible patronizing laugh that made Steven want to curl up and avoid her gaze. 

"I just said I made this for you, silly!" she said, patting him on the head, "Humans need houses, don't you? All those humans, I could see their houses. And you're a little human, right? So you need a little house!"

Steven fixed his hair from where Spinel had patted him while trying to avoid her way too enthusiastic expression, her eyes that searched for praise and approval.

"That's nice but-"

"But?" Her expression soured again, back to the fury he'd seen before, but this time she smiled. Like she was daring him to continue. 

"It's just uh..." he began hesitantly, fearing the fallout might not be worth it, "I have a house. And a family. I should really be getting back to them, dad is going to be so worried." he chuckled to try and dispel the awkwardness. 

Spinel just stared at him for a moment, and he stared back. Then all of a sudden, she let out an ear-splitting laugh, a laugh so wild it chilled him. And yet he found himself laughing along anyway as if it had infected him somehow. He could only stop when she did. It was like she was made just to make people laugh. 

"Oh, Steven, you're such a joker!" she gasped, clutching her stomach. Steven frowned at her. 

"It's not a joke, Spinel. I have to go home."

She frowned at him in a manner that seemed to mock him, her bottom lip stuck out, and her tone as she spoke was patronizing. 

"You just don't get it, do you, little Steven? You aren't going anywhere. This is your home now, with me! I'm never going to be alone again."

"But-"

"I said never!" she practically screamed, stomping her foot, and Steven shut his mouth. "She- she owes me. So you owe me. I waited here! This is our home; we are meant to be together, Steven! I even made you a- a-" her voice as she began to cry dramatically, and Steven automatically began shushing her and trying to comfort her. 

"I'm sorry, Spinel, I'm sorry. It's a lovely house! I really like it!" He said, loosely hugging her. She leaned her full weight against him, wailing pathetically as she soaked his shirt with tears. "Please, Spinel, I'll stay-"

"Really?" she said, beaming and looking up at him, her eyes already dry. He nodded. "Yippee! Oh, we're going to have so much fun, Steven!" She grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him towards the little house she had built. 

As they sat together in the house, Spinel babbled out songs for Steven as he half-listened, thinking of how to get out of this situation. He had no idea what he could possibly say that wouldn't set her off. And he had to be careful, she'd already shown herself to be dangerous. It was apparent, even when she smiled like she did while she sang, that a wave of poisonous anger bubbled that didn't need much to make it surface. He couldn't really say he blamed her; clearly, something had happened between her and Rose, and he'd already learnt well enough that his mom hadn't always made wise decisions. This wasn't going to be an easy fix, but he was comforted by the knowledge that he always won in the end. He'd managed to get the diamonds to come round, he could do this too, right? Maybe he could even convince Spinel to go back with him...

But it would take some time, he knew that much. Better play her game for now. 

\--—

Steven stared out of the open doorway of the house Spinel had built him, counting what flowers he could see, trying to distract himself from how uncomfortable the spartan interior was and how Spinel just would not stop talking and singing and touching him. He grimaced as Spinel kissed him on the cheek, thinking back almost fondly to his time with the Diamonds, as smothering as they were, they had nothing on Spinel. His concentration was broken when he finally noticed Spinel's face creeping slowly into his vision. 

"Heeeeeeeeey," she said, grinning eerily at him. 

"Hey."

"Sooooooooo"

"So..."

"What do you think about our house? You know, now we've spent some time here together..." Spinel said, practically crawling up Steven, and he had to fight to not roll his eyes upon hearing "our house." 

"It's uh... nice. Yeah. It's nice. Cozy. Well done, Spinel."

"Oh, thank you, Steven!" she squealed, pulling him into a bone-crushing hug and smooshing their cheeks together. Steven pulled back against the wall of the house, trying to get just a hair of space between them, which only served to trap him further when Spinel pressed up against him, hugging him so hard he wondered if she might be trying to kill him. "I just knew you'd love it. You're so kind to me, so much better than..." her voice trailed off, but Steven knew what she meant, and he unexpectedly found himself aching a little on her behalf. He patted her hair as she buried her face into his chest. 


	3. She'll prove she cares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (I hate chapter titles, titles of all kinds in fact. They were created specifically to taunt me)
> 
> Thank you Viv for your patience. 
> 
> Also funny story everyone! I spent like a month having a breakdown cus I was dealing with health complications preventing me from writing. When I was finally able to write, I found out... I'd already written this chapter in December. I am a dumbass, come delight in my foolishness.

Spinel was slumped on Steven, her eyes closed. She had been entirely still long enough that he thought, or rather hoped, that she might be asleep. He took a breath, psyching himself up to slip free and make a run for it when the silence was broken by a gurgling coming from his abdomen, accompanied by a sharp pain. Spinel shot bolt-upright, here eyes spinning around wildly, her hand on her suddenly-materialised weapon.

"Who's there! You keep away from him, you hear? He's MINE!"

Steven chuckled, quite taken by her protectiveness, and placed a hand on her shoulder. 

"Spinel, it's OK, that was just me."

Her eyebrow jumped all the way up to her hairline as she looked down on him in evident confusion. 

"Huh? I've never heard that before. Were those words? What do they mean? How do you make words without using your mouth?"

"No, silly!" Steven said, chuckling. "That was my stomach. It makes noises when I'm hungry."

"What's hungry?"

"It's uh… my body wants food. I need to eat."

"Ooooook." Spinel said, nodding as if she understood, while her blank face betrayed that she really didn't. 

"It's alright, Spinel, I'll find something. You relax, I've got this." He said, shuffling his way out of the house and getting to his feet. Upon being upright, his vision began to spin, and his head felt fluffy. His vision left him for a few seconds, and when he could see again, he found himself slumped in Steven's arms.

"Steven! Steven, are you OK?" she said, planting worried kisses all over his face. He squirmed in protest, but she didn't seem to register it at all.

"I'm fine, I'm fine."

"No, you aren't! You have to let me go, look at you! I can do everything you ever need me to, I promise. Pleeeeease, let me help you!" Her eyes welled as she begged Steven, and he had to turn away, waterworks were always a weakness of his. 

"Fine! Fine." He said, trying to soften his tone to not provoke a full-on crying session. He stroked her arm as he spoke, trying desperately to calm her. "Do you… do you know what food is?" He was struggling to get his words out, his mouth was bone dry, and his brain was struggling to find the words. Spinel shook her head in response. "It's uh… it's stuff that you put in your mouth and chew up. Then you swallow it." He hoped his explanation would be sufficient and that she would bring back something vaguely edible. The weakness in his body was getting to the point where he would panic if he had the energy. 

"Don't you worry, Steven! I will get you the food!" Spinel exclaimed, jumping to her feet and inadvertently dropping Steven to the ground. She scampered out of sight, and the moment she was out of his vision, Steven let out a contented sigh. He relaxed onto the rough ground, not even aware until this moment how tense his body had been. Steven took some time to appreciate the quiet and the freedom he had to move and fidget freely, letting the aches in his joints work themselves out. His mind was so cloudy with malnourishment that it took him a while to realise he had an opportunity. 

He unsteadily got himself to his feet, holding his arms out for balance. He gazed in the direction Spinel had gone. His vision was blurry, but it was apparent that Spinel was nowhere nearby. The entire garden was quiet. He took his chance to slip away and explore the garden. 

Which way to go? Up ahead was the direction that Spinel had gone. It seemed likely that in that direction would lie a way back home, where else would she look for food? But it would also make running into Spinel far more likely, and he shuddered to think how she would react if she found him trying to escape. Reluctantly, Steven decided to head in the opposite direction, hoping the garden might have more than one way out. Who knows, if he got far enough away from her, perhaps he could circle around the garden before she caught him? He knew that it wasn't likely that he'd be able to pull it off in his current state, but a bad plan was better than no plan, and hope was all he had. 

As Steven weaved his way through the dilapidated garden, he came across a heavy and twisted stick, a little taller than he was as he slouched. He picked it up and leaned his full weight against it, and found immediate relief and a sense of balance. He practically dragged himself through the garden, his feet begging him to give up and fall where he stood with every step. 

The trickling sound of water reached Steven's ears, and with it, the sudden awareness of what was causing his dry mouth and fuzzy head. He was dehydrated. He grumbled, angry at himself for not realising this sooner so that he could have asked Spinel for help. It had been at least a day since he'd drunk anything, maybe two, maybe more. He wasn't sure. All thought of escape left his mind as he changed course to hunt down the source of the sound. 

Eventually, he came across a clearing among the dried and brittle plants. Chipped and crumbling stone pillars encircled a shallow pool lined with tiles. A thin channel lead to the pool, guiding the water along, which splashed gently as it fell into the water below. He could almost see how it might have once looked, glossy stonework and sparkling water, flower petals floating down to rest gently on the surface. Steven stumbled closer to the pool, his mouth aching in anticipation. He fell to his knees by the water's edge and plunged his hand in, withdrawing again immediately in disgust. He examined his hand, coated in brownish-green slimy water and algae, and his stomach flipped involuntarily. 

No. No! He thought, trying to fight the urge to retch and hyperventilate. He needed water, he needed it now! He had no idea how much longer his body would hold out without, but with how it got harder to just exist with every passing second, he felt it wouldn't be very long. He dragged himself along the edge of the pool to the channel, digging his nails into the ground to help him along, hoping that maybe the water would be clean further up. Upon reaching the channel, he saw only green the whole way up. 

Steven rolled onto his back, utterly defeated and wailed hopelessly, his eyes barely able to manage to produce a single tear. He wept so loudly that he didn't hear the thundering footsteps rapidly approaching. He was so distraught he didn't even flinch when hands grabbed him roughly by the collar and hoisted him up. 

"Steven? Steven! Are you listening to me?" Spinel shook Steven roughly, the anger in her eyes replaced by concern at Steven's lack of response. He seemed to eventually notice her, his eyes focusing on hers, finally seeing her. "Steven, what's wrong?"

His eyes moved between hers and the pool as his mouth flapped as he struggled to get his words out. Spinel followed his gaze, looking at the pool, and looked back in confusion. 

"You want to swim? It's ok, Steven, no need to cry, we'll swim!"

"No! Steven snapped, failing to pull away from her, and Spinel looked as if she had been slapped. "No, I need… I need a drink… Oh my god, I'm going to die here…"

The last thing he said made Spinel freeze. Die? No, not Steven, he can't die! Then I'll be alone again! Her eyes danced between Steven and the pool, trying to work out how to save him. She was not going to let her toy die, not ever! 

"Hey, would this help?" she asked, digging through the bag she had brought back with her, looking for the thing that reminded her of how the pool used to look a very long time ago. She pulled out a water bottle and held it out to Steven. His face lit up, which she took as approval. Spinel opened up the bottle and carefully poured the water slowly into Steven's mouth, batting his hands away gently when he made any attempt to do it himself. 

Once Steven had had his fill, she put the bottle in the bag and started helping Steven back to the house. 

"How did you know?" Steven asked, "I never thought to ask you…"

Spinel shrugged. "I just grabbed some things. Lucky, huh?" She pulled Steven a little closer as they walked. "You know, I'm so glad I found you here. I thought for a moment that you'd abandoned me!" Spinel let out a hollow laugh, and Steven focused very hard on his feet, avoiding looking at her. "But you would never leave me, would you, Steven?"

He shook his head. Even without looking, he could feel her grin, spreading impossibly wide across her face. She leaned to kiss Steven on the cheek and whispered to him.

"Good. It would make me ever so upset if you did."


End file.
